On Perfection

The Perfect Woman

I know how to do it! That's right. I've got the secret. It's really all smoke and mirrors and I'm getting good at it. After having a hard autumn (just call me Crazy Hormone Woman) I've finally gained a little self-control when it comes to my tongue. (Long overdue- I know.) It was a necessity if I was to keep control of my tears. I've realized how much better I come across when I just keep my mouth closed. I can look like I have it all together. I just get dressed (I know- shouldn't be hard, right) show up on time to things, do what's asked of me and say nothing. It's really quite easy. Just don't come over. Or look in my car. Or look too closely at my kids. Or look in my pantry. (Yes, there are 5 combs, 3 flashlights, 2 toothbrushes, 1 belt buckle and innumerable sets of chopsticks in my pantry- all completely necessary.) Or get too close. With friends- all bets are off.

The Perfect Baby

How in the world did I survive motherhood before? Truly, I say that my joy in motherhood has grown immensely with dear Lanie. Of course, she's not quite perfect- she isn't sleeping through the night. But really, I'm okay with that. She is an angel. Just when I needed one. I only hope that her toddler years are just as angelic!

The Perfect Middle ChildSugar and spice and everything nice . . .

Ahh, and now, true perfection. Now I don't mean the that Eden is the Perfect Child. I mean, Eden has perfected the art of being the middle child. (I know, the irony of the name is not lost on me.) You know, the one who screams for attention. You want a power struggle? You got it. It really takes nothing to have a power struggle. She can create one out of thin air. What's that Eden, you don't want to walk? OK, I'll carry you. Oh, you don't want me to carry you. OK, umm, you just want to sit on the floor and cry and blame me for everything wrong in your life. Sure, I'm positive that's what people come to the library for.

Tantrums? You got it! Again, she's pretty creative. She can find a subject. Today she has had 2 tantrums that have consisted of "It's too far 'til my birthday. I can't wait that long." Her birthday isn't until June. Where does she come up with this stuff?

We go day by day- some days she doesn't want to be called cute, or she doesn't want to be funny and I can't laugh at her. She keeps me on my toes! I must say, I don't find much validation as a mother when my 3 year old says "I don't want parents. I don't want you as a mom. "

That's when I just smile to myself and think of the hundreds of times that people tell me this time goes too fast and I'll wish for it back. I'm logging the memories to relive someday when my house is peaceful and quiet.

2010-- A Year in Numbers

1 family member lost- RIP Zoe

68 times I came home expecting to hear Zoe's tail wagging welcoming me home

68 times I was so grateful to not have to clean up dog poop

100 music lessons paid for and driving to and from

7500 hours practicing violin and piano

24 buttons busted while watching children perform

1 kid added to the family

10 years added to my life

22 the amount of times people have asked me if we are "done"

500 meals delivered through "Meals on Wheels"

50 the number of times one of my meals on wheels recipient has said "you look too young to have 4 children."

50 the number of times that compliment made me feel good. (Yes, I am that needy!)

33 times Eden colored somewhere she shouldn't (books, walls, body, beds, etc.)

33 times cleaning and doing consequences before I finally got smart and threw away the markers

6 average hours of sleep per night

8 average hours NEEDED of sleep per night

27 cranky whiny moments during the day from lack of sleep FOR MOM!

4 beautiful, needy, funny, whiny, sweet, frustrating children

13 moments a day of "this is madness"

infinite moments a day of laughter, sweetness, fleeting childhood

7 unfinished blog posts

20 funny remarks thought of to put on blog

0 funny remarks posted on blog

unknown people still reading my blog

I'm converted.

Well people, it has finally happened. It only took 4 children to get me here but I've finally come 'round.

I like babies.

There. I've said it and I'm not going back. I finally got a baby that doesn't have reflux. Only moderate colic (lasted through about 9 weeks). She is 3 1/2 months now. She sleeps in her crib for naps- not my arms. She smiles; she plays; she gains weight; she only wakes up 2 times at night. It's heavenly. So, while I've had my roughest recovery. (Broken tailbone- still hurting) Every time I look at that dear, sweet child I can't help but smile. She is beautiful and lovable and pure joy. NOW, I understand why people like babies and want to just have babies. When I'm holding her, it's just to hold her and have fun; not working to keep her from crying and fussing. Imagine that- holding a baby for the fun of it. It is an amazing concept.
I finally get what all the fuss is about!
Now- admire:

The price you pay

Wiping muddy footprints off the counter-- that's the price you pay for giving the 3yr old the chore of wiping the counter.

Single parenting for weeks --that's the price you pay for having a stable job.

Walking out of the house with kids that look like they dressed in the dark --that's the price you pay for teaching your children independence and letting them dress themselves.

Dirty newspapers on the bathroom counters, garbage cans not put away properly, re-vacuuming the house--that's the price you pay for giving your kids chores and teaching them to contribute to the family and work.

Kids who are tired and cranky because they sneak out of bed to lay by the nightlight and read-- that's the price you pay for teaching them to love books.

Spending all day Saturday at the music store for violin recital, ensemble festival and so on-- that's the price you pay to help your kids gain valuable music skills that they will cherish in life.

Fractured tailbone, bleeding all over, bloodshot eyes, constant postpartum weepiness--that's the price you pay for a gorgeous, sweet child.

This Thanksgiving I recognize that while there is a price to pay for most things, the blessings outweigh the input. Although my life is busy and exhausting and hard work-- I wouldn't have it any other way. Even in my worst, most difficult moments I can truly say I would do it all again for what I gain--4 beautiful, amazing children who make me laugh and cry daily and a husband who works hard and cares for us.

PS The picture has nothing to do with the post. It is just the most recent photo of all of us. The whole scooby gang-- Daphne, Shaggy, Freddy, Velma, Scrappy doo and Scooby Doo. We had fun this Halloween. Hope you did too!

Firsts . . .

First day of 3rd grade

First day of 1st grade

First day of preschool

(FYI: My kids all get to pick out their first day outfit at the store. This explains Eden's dress which she found all on her own and fell in love with. It's pink, it has a cupcake on it, and it twirls beautifully. What more could you ask for?)
First day of life

First family photo
(Can you see that the baby is no longer inside me but strapped to me?)

Notice how my last two posts are mostly pictures? That's about all I can do right now. Plus you don't want to hear about all my postpartum hormonal rollercoaster rides!

Before and After

Before

AfterBeforeAfterBefore

After

Due dates come and go, but pregnancy is forever

Oh wait, it's not. But sometimes- like right now- it feels a little like it is forever. My body is not doing the things it normally does leading up to labor/delivery so I'm a little worried. I don't want to be induced. I feel fine and the baby is fine so I have no problem waiting. It's just modern medicine that doesn't like it when you go over. We'll just keep taking it one overdue day at a time and be patient!
Enough of that, so I'm in a new neighborhood with people who have never seen me pregnant before and they always worry because I'm small. I'm sure they think I'm just saying it to be modest but really this is my biggest pregnancy. But you don't have to take my word for it . . . (Anyone know what that comes from?)
Here are my pictures from my past 3 pregnancies right before we walked out the door to the hospital. I don't have one of those yet from this pregnancy- as you are well aware- so you will have to do with a picture from today- 3 days overdue.
Pregnancy 1-Mara
Pregnancy 2 Asher

Pregnancy 3 Eden
Pregnancy 4 (Many thanks to my photographer- Asher- who only cut off my head a tad!)
What do you think?